A call to arms

[Note: this piece was posted as a satire for an April Fools joke. It is was written by one of Scum’s editors, James Butler.] 

It is a dangerous time to be a man. Why? No, not the war in Afghanistan. No, not Kim Jong in North Korea. The answer is something that has wriggled its way into our society, hungry with a blood-thirst for man: feminism.

Let’s look at the facts: feminists hate men. That’s why most of them are into other women. My mate Andy used to date a feminist. I mean, at least I think she was a feminist because she cracked the shits when Andy bought her a thong for Christmas and she had short hair and she liked Alanis Morrisette. Now my friend Andy is dead. The girlfriend didn’t kill him, he died in a fire started by a Sambuca shot but if his old girlfriend hadn’t been such a man-hater then maybe he wouldn’t have gone on that trip to Cairns with the other chick he was cheating on her with and he wouldn’t have burned to death. Women need to know their place.

Feminists take every little thing and turn it into another way to prove that all guys are dicks. You can’t do anything without some feminist saying that you’re a “misogynist”. I bet you that word didn’t even exist until women started burning their bras. What happened to Tony Abbott should be a crime. Stop complaining little feminists! Do you think the women over there in Hindi worry about Seth MacFarlane at the Grammy’s? No. They are worried about getting stoned to death. Family Guy is hilarious and Ted was a good movie. When will enough be enough?

Also another quick question: why is it that when women call themselves a slut it is “empowering” but when men do it is shaming?  I got into strife at work for calling Paula a slut after she sucked off Andy in the staff room. At least I’m pretty sure she did, I don’t know for sure but you could tell she was up for it. God I miss Andy. However, if I was a woman I’d be allowed to walk down the city with the word ‘slut’ written over my boobs in lipstick. It would be called a protest and I’d get on Channel Nine News. Go figure. I guess that’s the logic of feminism (aka misandry).

Look here. Sorry feminists, but I am not going to apologise for being a man. I won’t say sorry for just being physically stronger than you. God made us that way. It’s science.

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