I have a dream that my whole body is covered in clay, including my hair. I’m naked and in the fetal position. Callum stands over me. You shouldn’t have come to my house at 3am. Seaweed lies across the lower half of my body, every time I move Callum places the seaweed back over my body. The seaweed acts as a blanket. I am trying to return back to Papatūānuku. Papatūānuku buried her whenua at the bottom of the ocean, she is the rhythm of the land and my tupuna. I’m drowning. I’m the daughter of Tane. Tane carved me from clay and breathed life into me via a hongi. The first woman. I threw up after you left, because you told me their name. My name was once Hineahuone, but Pākehā men stole this from me. Mā te wahine, mā te whenua, ka ngaro te tangata. I have lived many times and each time my skin becomes more lighter. Papatūānuku. My heart is broken. I long to return to Papatūānuku’s womb, her whenua. The womb of Papatūānuku lies under the sea, I hope to drown and return to the earth mother. The more I come back the more I forget who I am.
Hana Pera Aoake (Ngāti wehi, Ngāti Raukawa, Tainui) is an artist and writer based in te
Whanganui-a- tara, Aotearoa. They are currently drowning in debt completing an MFA at
Massey University and work primarily in the indigenous collective, Fresh and Fruity.They
write about their feelings online.