IF I’M A WATER-BEARING AIR SIGN DOES THAT MAKE ME PERSPIRATION?: MARCH

whimper

the air on the back of my neck
nape
feels familiar
shelve an old self
things I
kept in the cupboard
to stay full
I don’t know the way it goes
anymore
cant tell if this is a whimper

we haven’t named
the fire
that
yet

and how should I unpack
the no

disaster risk reduction

no writing home
old friend

can’t
the time

left on seen
in the last days
of the
Anthropocene

little bubble little world

complain to
whimper
Twitter™

don’t recognise
myself in a mirror

don’t recognise
black mirror
unseen world

I shaved all my hair off
and forgot

the screen

watching Buffy at the same time
as my best friend
several suburbs between us

power down

sometimes the sky is blue
are you looking at it too?

nape the air the neck the feel
throat

bang              whimper
cough

the pumpkin
has taken over
the yard
onwards through the neighbour’s fence
a colonial butternut
providing
my only distraction
from not thriving

tried to wank
myself
to sleep
but couldn’t stop
writing grandma                a eulogy in my head

and fled home to farmer mum
and a lamb sucking on my thumb

and the air
at night I think of winter
how cold it felt
when Grandma and I went to Hobart
and it was flooded
washed out
no awards to hand at Sandy Bay campus
sweaty crammed pizza pasta tiramisu with Gran Barb Joan John
motel tea with a little milk
the best sleep I had ever had

9:45pm routine
send Grandma a text
Good night
Hi jAs lotsa luv always hope u sleep well dear !!

and winter when I first met Phoebe
drinking pinot noir at exorbitant prices
alcohol buzz and other buzz es
only to hold hands and kiss lips on the crisp of the June
until Neapoli folded chairs onto tables flipped the open sign

this only passes
with love
with spring

and sometimes things are invisible
until they’re not

and I am full
of fear
of love
of March

Jasmine Shirrefs is a zine maker, dog parent, writer and social work student living on Boon Wurrung land. They were a Wheeler Centre Hot Desk Fellow 2019 and have work published by Overland Magazine online, Right Now and Lot’s Wife. They are extremely excited to have an essay in ‘Growing Up Disabled in Australia’ coming out in June 2020.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *