Dreams That My Diary Unfortunately Remembers

Michael Jackson had died as a young child while being minded by an elderly alcoholic. She left the crime scene intact inside her house for years and turned it into a museum. My gay father took me there every day to protest the ethics of exploiting a child’s negligent death for profit.


I laughed so hard that my jaw unhinged and I couldn’t pop it back in place. I was repurposed as one of those clown heads in the carnival game where you shove things down their gullet to win a prize. I was rigged. I could never let anyone win, but I wanted to.


I split my tongue and then split it again and again until it was like spaghetti strands (or maybe linguini) and then when I actually ate spaghetti (or linguini or anything actually) it was a frightening and confusing experience. I specifically remember the moment I split it one too many times and I lost the ability to control each strand independently.


Condoms were sold as ravioli with a choking-hazard filling in underground suicide shops.


We turned a really sharp corner and suddenly there were explosions in front of us shaped like animal heads crying tears of blood. It felt as horrifying as if they were real animal heads. We went through a door to the next room and the Queens of Stone Age were there, playing with cockatoo skeletons, and somehow I knew my terror was their doing.


I got one of those Barbies that spins and flies like a fairy, but when I went to pick it up after trying it once, it turned out to actually be a bat. I sat at my desk and started crying and I realised in front of me was Thomas Nagel’s philosophical paper What Is It Like to Be a Bat? and then I knew that bats and Barbies were equally valid and good.


Everyone asked me for relationship advice so I just kept aggressively whispering ‘make him do the Macarena’.



Alex Creece is some species of land mammal located in Victoria, Australia. She studies Arts at Monash University, and loves bizarro worlds, craft projects, and brave literature. Alex is passionate about diverse voices and perspectives within the arts, and often incorporates her experiences as a queer and neurodivergent woman in her pieces. She has been published in Junkee, the Bender, Antipodean Sci Fi, and others. She has a website with further information and written pieces at creecedpaper.com/works.

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