Eurovision Semi-Final One Recap!

It’s that magical, sequined time once again. Last night Australian audiences watched the first Eurovision semi-final, bursting our collective loads on Twitter after a year of pent up longing for our favourite uber-camp musical entertainment. There was nothing overly weird by Eurovision’s standards from this round, the novelties limited to the human hamster wheel in Ukraine’s ‘Tick Tock’ (oh hai Mariya Yaremchuk), which was pretty reminiscent of their 2009 entry ‘Anti-crisis Girl’. Sexy hamsters aside, there was ice skating (Montenegro), trapeze (Azerbaijan), and a merry troupe of hippies probably stoned on apple bongs from Latvia, whose song ‘Cake to Bake’ was either a sweet little ukulele number about connecting with one’s family or entirely about marijuana snacks.

Moldova gave us the obligatory Game of Thrones-inspired entry with singer Cristina Scarlat as Khaleesi sans dragons. (Last year, Norway’s Margaret Berger did a mega hot Deanerys impression that I never really stop thinking about.) Iceland’s entry is what would happen if all the cool dads in your neighbourhood took lots of MDMA and formed a pop punk band with a political conscious, which is probably exactly what all the dads in Iceland do. They were super colourful and seem like genuinely fun people to be around/party with, and thankfully are through to the final.

San Marino’s Valentina Monetta also made it through, despite being kind of boring and not utilising her giant clam backdrop that surely could have fired glitter/confetti/mermaids. However, it would be unfair to call Monetta’s song boring because at least she didn’t sing a droning ode to her mother a la Belgium.

The Tolmachevy Sisters of Russia did a creepy-sexy identical twin thing with wands and a giant seesaw. They began back-to-back with their hair entwined together like an inter-fetus umbilical cord and, listen, I just got very creeped out by these guys despite their song being actually quite nice. Sanna Nielsen/Sandra Sully of Sweden seems to be the running favourite after bringing out all the ctrl+Z jokes with her drama-rama ballad ‘Undo’, along with Armenia’s Aram MP3.

The Netherlands surprised everyone with a very un-Eurovision, genuinely well-written country/blues song by The Common Linnets. (I kind of want them to win but we’ll see if being non-Eurovisionesque holds them back.) The final entry of the night was introduced as a song about violence against women and child abuse, killing all the jokes on my Twitter feed – but only for about ten seconds until everyone realised that Hungary’s singer is a hot guy and sort of looks like Drake.

The winning countries from the first semi-final are Montenegro, Hungary, Russia, Armenia, Azerbaijan, San Marino, Ukraine, Sweden, The Netherlands and Iceland.

See ya tonight on Twitter for the second semi-final, and back here tomorrow for the next recap!


In Australia, Eurovision is on tonight at 8.30pm on SBS. Image from Wikipedia.

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