I wanted to take off my personality like fake eyelashes and leave it, half glued, on a windowsill. He asked me if I thought he had a bad personality. What if I was a good person, but had a bad personality he said. I said those were too hard to differentiate, that you are your personality. I wouldn’t hang out with you if I thought you had a bad personality. We talked about love. He said that maybe he didn’t know how to show love.
We share a bed and he wraps himself around me and buries his head against my shoulder.
I hold his hands.
Sometimes we don’t need to say we love someone to show it, to prove it to them I said. We are just there, filling space. We say to each other: it is so hard to say that you love someone, because it feels big and important, this really big gesture. Some people say it so easily and freely, like it means nothing, no big deal. I thought about telling him I loved him then, but instead I just traced the grain of the greying picnic table, gouging out chunks with my fingernail.
George Banach-Salas (they/them) is a queer non-binary artist, poet & bookseller living in Pōneke, Aotearoa. They have had work in Aotearotica & Salty Zine, and write a lot of sentimental stuff considering they feel nothing right now.