whimper
the air on the back of my neck
nape
feels familiar
shelve an old self
things I
kept in the cupboard
to stay full
I don’t know the way it goes
anymore
cant tell if this is a whimper
…
we haven’t named
the fire
that
yet
and how should I unpack
the no
disaster risk reduction
no writing home
old friend
can’t
the time
…
left on seen
in the last days
of the
Anthropocene
little bubble little world
complain to
whimper
Twitter™
…
don’t recognise
myself in a mirror
don’t recognise
black mirror
unseen world
I shaved all my hair off
and forgot
…
the screen
…
watching Buffy at the same time
as my best friend
several suburbs between us
…
power down
…
sometimes the sky is blue
are you looking at it too?
…
nape the air the neck the feel
throat
…
bang whimper
cough
…
the pumpkin
has taken over
the yard
onwards through the neighbour’s fence
a colonial butternut
providing
my only distraction
from not thriving
…
tried to wank
myself
to sleep
but couldn’t stop
writing grandma a eulogy in my head
…
and fled home to farmer mum
and a lamb sucking on my thumb
…
and the air
at night I think of winter
how cold it felt
when Grandma and I went to Hobart
and it was flooded
washed out
no awards to hand at Sandy Bay campus
sweaty crammed pizza pasta tiramisu with Gran Barb Joan John
motel tea with a little milk
the best sleep I had ever had
…
9:45pm routine
send Grandma a text
Good night
Hi jAs lotsa luv always hope u sleep well dear !!
…
and winter when I first met Phoebe
drinking pinot noir at exorbitant prices
alcohol buzz and other buzz es
only to hold hands and kiss lips on the crisp of the June
until Neapoli folded chairs onto tables flipped the open sign
…
this only passes
with love
with spring
…
and sometimes things are invisible
until they’re not
…
and I am full
of fear
of love
of March
Jasmine Shirrefs is a zine maker, dog parent, writer and social work student living on Boon Wurrung land. They were a Wheeler Centre Hot Desk Fellow 2019 and have work published by Overland Magazine online, Right Now and Lot’s Wife. They are extremely excited to have an essay in ‘Growing Up Disabled in Australia’ coming out in June 2020.
