May 2014,

I’m sleeping on the floor in a hotel in Okinawa, my friend keeps launching herself onto my futon in her sleep, it took me ~3 hours to look at that photo of you because you are incredibly hot and it’s fucked up and I want you.

water

there is a healing power of water

there is a healing power of showering after midnight

showering before you sleep

getting fresh for the dreaming

there was a specific day in march where I took several showers

there was a specific day where I drank between 3 and 4 litres of water

and the thirst wouldn’t stop coming

and I got off at the wrong stop

by the airport without realising

just stood there for a long time staring at the internet via different coloured squares on my phone

in march I let the water fall on to me and on to me and on to me

in march I thought of the beach where I grew up and imagined myself happily existing there, just below the surface, breathing comfortably, being naked inside the water, happy and alone forever.

just walking around thinking like, ‘I can’t breathe’ and

waiting for my phone to vibrate

but it’s hard to feel sexy when you haven’t digested anything in ~3 weeks

i’m okay but feel like it’s been a long time since i’ve been held by someone. i’m at least like 90% water right now and i’m watching a Seinfeld episode i’ve seen ~4 times already.