No offence but furries are super fucked up

I used to be vegan and a bad person

Now I am just a bad person


I used to tell everyone I was vegan

Now I tell them I am

No longer vegan


I used to check if the sauce was cream-based

I used to ask you not to butter the toast

I used to say I like tomato sauce more than animal-based sauces

I used to be a good liar

Now I am a slightly better liar

With more delicious condiments

Available to me


When I sleep the counter of days in which

I am not an arsehole returns to zero

It’s like groundhog day

Where I am not ethically opposed

To eating the lactations of the groundhog

Well I guess I am kind of opposed to it

Because it is disgusting


Because sucking on another animal’s tit

For culinary pleasure is kind of perverse

And also awful

Like cosplaying as a baby cow

A non-cute animal in a cute animal’s skin

Or like a furry enacting the last logical step of

Being a furry before dying alone

Lying prone under their drinking cow

Like a hand puppet with a dead person’s

Hand inside it

The furry having slightly less likelihood

Of having developed osteoporosis during

Their lifetime

Which is now over


They are matted and damp

Smelling faintly of sour milk

Their cow mother happy to be free but also confused and unable to move on and

sustain a happy life without them


Because maybe she loved her fucked-up furry baby-parasite too????

Or maybe she just has stockholm syndrome

And now she clops by herself to her cow house

To sit silently with a blank philosophical look

In her eyes

For all time


I think all of these things

But I am no longer vegan





Eloise Grills is a writer, comics artist, zine maker and editor living in Melbourne. Her work has been featured in The Lifted Brow, Overland, CHART Collective, The Age and many other places. She was a 2016 recipient of a Wheeler Centre Hot Desk Fellowship for Illustrators. She tweets and grams from @grillzoid

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