I’m in Kelvin Grove. At QUT. In the library. The library is pretty empty. I wish there were more people in the library. It’s pretty hard for me to focus on economics right now because I feel too horny. I keep drifting off and then realising I’m touching myself under the table. I wonder if I should touch myself in a toilet cubicle. I think someone’s coming into the library. I’m gonna go to the toilet cubicle.
I don’t know if I should be studying business.
I wish I looked older.
I wish I had girlfriend.
No matter what: my dog is happy to see me.
I love skateboarding with my brother. I love skating through QUT at night with my brother taking photos. My brother’s an amazing skater. I don’t know how he does half the things he does.
I wish I didn’t have this dumb fucking acne.
I’m glad my sister took me shopping and showed me how to dress. My sister doesn’t seem “to give a fuck”. I should be more like my sister.
I turned 18 two hours ago. I’m at The Normanby. My friend told me I needed special dress shoes if I wanted to get into clubs or pubs. I asked another friend to take me to the DFO and we found some shoes. They’re leather with a sort of like brown-y black swirl stitching. I just bumped into a girl and spilled my drink. I was trying to carry four Bundaberg Rum and Cokes back to the table where my friends are. There’s Bundaberg Rum and Coke on this green dress shirt I borrowed from my dad. The girl looked at my shoes and said, “Your shoes are fucked, aye.”
Maybe I should do push-ups.
I wish I wasn’t a virgin.
I like the moment before the rain when the smell happens and then you are in bed alone listening to the rain. Except I wish I wasn’t alone.
Working at Optus seems fairly horrific.
I like working with Nadia at the gelato store.
There was this graffiti in this bathroom that said: “How good is hommus!”
Last night I did 100 pushups and my chest hurts in way that it’s hard to breathe but I sort of enjoy.
I met a girl tonight at Empire and we talked for two hours. She seems pretty cool. I want to message her but I don’t know if it’s too late.
I’m glad I’m making friends outside of high school.
I’m at a party in Milton. A lot of people I know from school are here. My ex-girlfriend is talking to a guy and I feel like I want to get back with my ex-girlfriend.
I have no idea what I want. I know I like being wanted. I’m not sure if that’s fucked up or not.
I just walked home from the valley. When I passed The Normanby a bunch of guys screamed at me: FAGGOT.
I want to get out of Brisbane.
It’s 2am. I’m lying on the bonnet of my mum’s car outside this girl’s house in Fig Tree Pocket. I drove over because she told me to drive over. We touched each other for hours while listening to Bon Iver in the dark. I’m smoking a cigarette. A possum is crawling along an electricity wire and there is smoke going into the air. Now I’m about to drive home. There’ll be no one on the roads. I know it’s dumb to drive over 110 KM per hour but I think I’m gonna do it anyway.
I have no idea what the fuck accounting is about.
I want to be more confident.
My face looks like lots of little explosions that blend into one larger explosion.
It would be nice if I knew exactly what I wanted to do because then I could do that.
I can’t sleep because I booked a ticket to Canada. Then to South America. I share a room with my brother. My brother and I keep watching snowboard DvDs set in Canada and other places with the sound turned down low. I wish my brother was coming to Canada with me. I feel lucky to know my brother.
I can’t sleep because I just got back with my girlfriend. We are texting a lot.
I want to have sex with my girlfriend but I am terrified of what that means and how to do it.
My towel’s dirty. I’m gonna use my brother’s towel. He’s gonna be angry.
Me and Robbie walked home through the bus interchange that is still under construction. I didn’t really know Robbie in high school but I’m glad I know him now. We talked through a lot of things and I’m feeling better about a lot of things.
My brother hid his towel.
I couldn’t sleep so I took my dog for a walk around QUT. There were lots of cats screaming. I think that means they’re having sex. It seems like everyone is having sex except me.
Today my marketing teacher kept talking about “cash cows”.
I went over to my girlfriend’s house today because she texted me and told me to come over. I walked there and it took maybe twenty minutes. It was very hot. I was sweaty and nervous. We went to her parent’s room. She took out a condom. She put the condom on my penis and before we could have sex I came into the condom.
Sometimes I think too much.
I shouldn’t be smoking.
Wait. What’s a “cash cow”.
I shouldn’t be drinking so much.
Me and my sister went dancing tonight at Rics. People were dancing in a way that they weren’t really dancing so we decided to dance as hard as we could. A lot of people looked at us sort of blankly and we laughed.
I left my accounting exam 45 minutes early because I couldn’t answer any of the questions. I think I failed accounting.
My girlfriend came over today. We had sex for the first time. It lasted ten seconds. I’m glad I waited. I feel excited to do it again.
Tonight I went out and got pizza with my friends. My stomach muscles hurt from laughing. Sometimes I feel so good it’s hard to breathe.
I’m on the plane. Somewhere between Brisbane and Canada. Crying with my parents at the airport made me realise how lucky I am to have my parents. It’s dark outside the window. I’m gonna listen to this Grinspoon song again. I feel like lots of things are happening. I feel like lots of things are happening and maybe I’m figuring out how to enjoy them.