Brought to you by Alexandra Neill and Elke Stekhoven.
That time I waxed my own eyebrows
by Alexandra Neill
Recently, while lying on an uncomfortable chair at a hairdresser staring into a florescent light, I realised I actually hate getting my eyebrows done. It is a lot of effort and also I like my eyebrows and hairdressers like charging me money to take them all away. There’s a lot of room on the scale between Amanda Palmer and Frida Kahlo. Geez guys, find some middle ground.
Armed with this newfound revelation I find myself in Woolies looking at hair removal products. I eventually settle on a box of mini wax strips which will apparently make my skin “totally touchable”. I can’t say I’m in the habit of letting people touch the gap between my eyebrows but the box contains twenty wax strips and is only $10. This is very good value because (considering how often I get my eyebrows done) it should last me five years*.
I decide to apply these things to my face immediately after having a shower because something something steam less painful something. The pamphlet in the box says I should definitely under no circumstances apply wax to my face straight after having a shower. But it also says I shouldn’t use this product if I’m diabetic and that’s dumb so I deem the entire pamphlet void and continue.
I stick the weird little thing to the middle of my face, brace myself and rip it off. This is surprisingly effective and relatively painless. I am slightly disappointed by the total lack of comedic consequences.
★★★★, would recommend.
*Ok so I said five years because it seemed like a long time but I just did the actual maths and that’s conservative. Twenty wax strips could probably last me over a decade.
That time I lost my umbrella on the bus
by Elke Stekhoven
It was my pride and joy. A full-size umbrella, with a curved handle and a faux-wooden tip. When opened up, it belled out into a horizontal curly bracket like this: {
I called the bus lost and found but they didn’t have it there, and they never called me back. I live in hope that one day I’ll see someone walking down the street with my beautiful umbrella and I can reclaim it as my own.
Zero stars. Whoever took it, you broke my heart.
