THIS WEEK IN REVIEW: 23rd – 29th March

Brought to you by Hayley Stockall, Jizzy Butler, Jack Vening, and Sam George-Allen.

Eavesdropped conversations 2/3

— Hayley Stockall

Wednesday, 20/03/13, kitchen with the dirty ceiling, table covered in old MX’s

Too poor to eat out, nowhere to go. I smear homebrand cream cheese onto a piece of toast and listen to the guy next door yell at his housemate about the giant shit he’s about to take.

0 STARS.

Gizoogle.net
— Jizzy Butler

Last week straight-up dope thug Rowena Grant-Frost (@rowenaboggle) twizzled a link ta da most thugged-out dope thang on tha internizzle, Gizoogle.net. Put yo muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel this muthafucka! It caused a major freak up amongst me n’ mah playas. Gizoogle’s enterprise be a simple but dope one: joint url goes in, gangstafied version of entered joint comes out. It be tha dopest thang eva n’ mah thuglife is fulla n’ richer fo’ knowin dat shit. Thanks Gizoogle biaatch!

★★★★★

[Editor’s note: Yes we Gizoogled a review of Gizoogle, you think this is a game? THIS IS META PEOPLE.]

The real big chocolate bunny that my girlfriend said I could have some of but then left me unsupervised around
— Jack Vening

I have died. I am dead.

★★★★ (made me sick but)

That time I got a pap smear and the doctor told me not to laugh
— Sam George-Allen

“The speculum could just SHOOT OUT!”

★★★★, would ineffectively suppress laughter while in stirrups again

Do you have something you’d like to tell us about/give a star rating? ~Typical~ band, restaurant and book reviews need not apply here, but if you want to review the time you went to see Joan Jett and ended up in a fight, or Norwegian Wood because reading it on that train changed your life, or you really want to review the last time you had McDonalds for breakfast, you go. Send it to submissions@scum-mag.com